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Just Friends?

by Confuddled @ 2008-03-13 - 22:51:34

On the way home this evening, started wondering whether men and women can ever truly be "just friends"? I have a few male friends, but we didn't start out that way, we were lovers. It's only since the relationships ended that we became friends.

This evening I was invited out for a drink after work by someone I work with. He has been married for over 20 years and their marriage has basically come to an end as a result of them drifting apart. Having never been out socially with a female other than his wife, he was really nervous. I know there was nothing behind the invite out, so I agreed. We had a good evening chatting and as I need to expand my own social circle, have agreed to meet up again. But as said, on the way home, just started to wonder, especially in the beginning, whether men and women can be just friends? I enjoyed his company, but I am not romatically attracted to him.

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thespianthespian pro
2008-03-13 @ 22:54

I'm not convinced it's possible, particularly in those circumstances.
But, who knows ...!

sidejumpsidejump [Member]
2008-03-13 @ 22:58

I did a post on this once, and the concensus seemed to be that it is not possible. I think also you do need to take care here, this guy is on an emotional low now, he will respond to kindness, especially from a woman. Maybe you need to go out together as a small group, rather than 1 on 1.

I think men and women can be 'just friends' but I'd have to say I think there has to be an understanding between them before the friendship blossoms...

Yes. I agree with Usk. There must be an understanding between the two.

wendlanewendlane pro
2008-03-14 @ 01:12

I agree with Usky, you do need to make it clear in a nice way that you are really just friends, I find it interesting he has just come to the end of his marriage -this is, as sidejump said, an difficult time for him.

I reckon 'Yes' and this is a viewpoint from someone who has a couple of dozen platonic lady friends. The difficulty only arises if one of the parties wants more and it is not forthcoming. At that point, the friendship will end (probably rather suddenly).

Cher2008Cher2008 [Member]
http://www.loonargifts.ca
2008-03-14 @ 01:54

I think it is possible, but difficult and even more so when someone has just recently ended a relationship.

blacksheep63blacksheep63 pro
2008-03-14 @ 19:50

in my experience its possible but not uncomplicated. i am blessed with several good girlfriends (some of whom are exes but by no means all) Mostly it works best if i dont fancy them (and visa versa) and with SheWho it is very tricky and causes all sorts of problems.

StandingTree [Visitor]

2008-03-18 @ 19:13

Of course men and women can be just friends. I have a male friend who has been just my friend for well over twenty years now. We will never be anything more than just friends. Its really nice.
Aho StandingTree

Any great relationship with a partner should begin with a "just friends" relationship.

Having said that, I agree with many of the other posts. I have several male "just friends" and have had for decades. I've adopted them as my brothers!

With people who are coming out of a relationship, they are acutely emotionally vulnerable for as long as it takes for them to work through their emotional issues. They require a friend of the opposite sex with whom they can be safe discussing those issues. Otherwise they usually jump into a relationship that ends up being just like the one they left. They haven't done any of the inner work on themselves. That's why I post questions on my blog so that people can deal with their stuff and move forward in life!

Have a fabulous weekend!

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