Reading a comment RunDontWalk wrote to one of Ranfuchs postings got me seriously thinking. She wrote that she believed "no one has the ability to make me happy but me."
There are those that say an individual is responsible for how they choose to respond to a particular event or situation. And that we are also responsible for how we feel about ourselves in relation to that event or situation. How often have you said or heard others say things like "it's all your fault"; "you've really made me angry"; or "I've really been hurt by XX"? By phrasing it in that way, we are in effect giving away our power and affirming the belief that someone else, other than ourselves, are in control of our inner processes. We are abdicating responsiblity - blaming someone else for the hurt, pain, anger, etc. that we feel. Now, there is a danger that by following this train of thought, we could end up saying that by accepting we are responsible for ourselves, when we feel negative emotions (hurt, pain, etc) we would be admitting blame. I don't believe this is what is being implied. An individual on the receiving end may not necessarily be responsible for the pain, hurt, hardship caused, but they are responsible for how they respond to it.
In many ways, it does make a lot of sense to me. But in terms of attitude change, it is quite a leap!! I don't believe we consciously decide to abdicate responsibility (although there are probably some who are!) but just think about it..... Say to yourself "I've allowed myself to be hurt by X" and then say "I have been hurt by X". It does feel different. Again, there is a danger that those of us who like beating ourselves up, will end up feeling worse!!!
Although it is easy to look at this in the context of negative emotions, this holds true for positive emotions too - "you make me feel like a human being"; "you make me so happy". Going back to the comment RunDontWalk made, I'm sure there are a lot of people who on the face of it would disagree. To those, I ask - is it actually fair to place the burden of our own happiness onto someone else? So, surely we are responsible for ourselves? That does not mean we can't take pleasure from someone else.
I could go on but think I'll leave it at that. Today I seem to have spent most of the day travelling by train so I had loads of time think and ponder on this subject!!!
2007-12-12 @ 21:24