The working week is over and I have survived!! Sounds a bit dramatic, but, hey, that's how I feel.

On top of the yucky start to the week, it's been pretty horrid at work. Spent the remainder of the week with a Manager busy planning on wrecking a few people's lives just before Christmas (redundancies) AND my boss informed me that the person who works for me needs to be sacked!! Great! Only "good thing" about the latter is it needs to be done on Monday and guess what, I'm on leave. Yes, at times I am a coward and being in HR I admit that it is far easier to "advise" others than "do". Another reason why I dislike my job.

By nature I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and don't know if it's part of suffering from depression, but I immediately tend to blame myself. On the one hand I feel I have done all I can to help her, but on the other, I keep wondering if I could have done more. I know no-one actually enjoys dismissing people, but I do find the whole process rather draining. As I said, I'm not even doing the dirty deed myself but when talking about it today, my boss looked at me and said "you looked distressed". Must learn to hide my feelings more at work!

But, I am officially now on holiday for a week and have to stop my brain from thinking too much and going round in circles. I really don't want to start slipping down the hole of depression. I've been good this year and not had any episodes and determined not to have another! I need to be mentally strong as when I do go back to work, the proverbial shit is going to hit the fan. Let's see if will power can overcome chemical imbalance!

For those who read my last blog will know that I had a job interview yesterday. Well, it was horrible. Brain and mouth didn't seem to engage and I cocked up on some basic questions. I walked out knowing I didn't get the job and there was a part of me that also realised that if I did, I don't think I would have enjoyed working for the company.

So, why is it then that having received the inevitable phone call, I can't seem to stop crying? I'm not sure the tears are because I didn't get the job, but more that by not getting the job, I feel "stuck" where I am. I am not able to move down to Cornwall, where I want to be. Whenever I go down, coming back is sooooo hard. Not just because of friends left behind but having made a decision that I want to move, each day living where I do and working in London becomes harder and harder.

I know there is great danger of going for and accepting any job just to get me away from here, regardless of whether it is "right". The sensible part of my brain keeps saying that the job I went for wasn't right hence me not feeling comfortable at the interview; that I should be patient and the right job in Cornwall will come along; and that I should trust I will get my wish of moving down there.

Well, the tears have stopped and I think it is time for an early night. Night blogland.....

Cliche, I know, but thank fck it's Friday!!! Sad isn't it, that I'm one of the many that absolutely live for my weekends.

WARNING: bit of a moan coming on....

I truly dislike what I do for a living, cannot see the "usefulness" of my profession - human resources / personnel - or whatever else you want to call it. I'm too practical, hate "initiatives" for initiatives sake, which although it does make me rather popular with the managers I tend to support, doesn't always go down too well with the HR Director. Luckily my current HR Director and I do get on, but she's very "passionate" about the job and I really have difficulty dragging up enthusiasm on a daily basis. I know ultimately I am good at what I do, and by nature I will always give 100%, the problem is as I get older, that is becoming more and more difficult. The thought that keeps running through my head is, if we weren't there, would a company really fall apart?? And, my answer is still sadly NO. So, I hear you ask, why am I still doing it; why don't I change career. The simple answer is I really don't know what else I can do plus it pays the bills. Anyway, I don't really like moaning, so I'm going to shut up now!

Weekend is here, I have a long weekend ahead and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm off to visit part of the country I really love and to visit a very special friend. It'll be nice to get away, relax and hopefully I'll come back more inspired.

I've also got a job interview on Monday, she says sheepishly!! I know, having just moaned, I'm revealing that I'm trying to change company but it is located in the part of the world I love, so, wish me luck.

After a week of feeling like shit and very uninspired, I'm back! This week, I've started an art class - not quite your normal art class, but wont go into that right now. Anyway, our homework was to chose two contrasting words (e.g. Love, Hate) and using coloured pastels to "draw" the energy of the word.

So, my experiment for the day/this blog, is this:
Look at each picture, and let me know what word or words come to mind when looking at them.

What I'm interested in finding out is how many people pick up the exact words I was thinking when "drawing" the different pictures.

Picture A:

Picture B:

Have fun!

I'm sat in front of the telly, snuffly and feeling very, very sorry for myself. I hate colds - hate having a blocked nose (in this case a blocked left nostril) - hate feeling like I've got all life sucked out.
Fell asleep this afternoon and missed South Africa beating the Fijians. Looked like it was an good game. Missed New Zealand being knocked out last night. Had a beer last night and it totally knocked me for six. Didn't even get to having a hot toddy. Looking at the clock at the moment and wondering whether it's too early to have a hot toddy? I have a tendancy to put a fair bit of whiskey in it and I do need to go into work tomorrow.
What home remedies do you have for colds, that work??