Yesterday, I got in touch again with a very good friend from high school - Corrina. Over the years, we’ve sort of lost touch and then somehow, despite moving to different continents, changes in location, and email addresses, we always seem to “find” each other again. Reading her email and catching up on all her news, got me reminiscing about past friends and childhood.

On one hand, I had a rather idyllic upbringing - well, it was to me. I had my little group of friends, and on all accounts (my mothers), I was rather bossy and led my little gang to all sorts of mischief. Most of our time was spent outdoors – TV was only introduced in the mid 70’s so I wasn’t brought up with it. Even when it was introduced, my father took some convincing before we were allowed it in the house. Evenings were spent reading and listening to the radio, and my days were spent with my friends - swimming, riding our bikes and pretending they were horses, making up “treasure maps” of the neighbourhood and going on our little adventures, climbing trees, “breaking” back into my house and playing with my mothers clothes and make up. I guess I should explain, both my parents worked and prior to attending school at age 6 ½, I was left in the care of my friends’ nanny. She didn’t care so we were able to run around wild until school came out and my older brother would come to collect me. In many ways, thinking back, if I had been brought up in this country, in this day and age, my parents probably would have been in trouble from Social Services! But there was none of that, so me and my gang (bearing in mind we were all pre-school) roamed the streets. In our innocence we believed we were safe, as we never really understood what potential dangers were out there. But no harm ever did come to us and when as an adult I divulged to my mother what I got up to, she was absolutely horrified!

My little idyllic world was however not so idyllic as it was set against a backdrop of apartheid; being scared of my parents; sleeping with my door locked in order to stop my brother from trying to sneak in at night; and generally a life which was very restricted and controlled. It wasn’t until the ’76 Soweto riots that I became aware of what apartheid was about. Being 10 yrs old at the time, most very much went way over my head and it was difficult to comprehend & understand. Politics was never discussed at home and definitely not encouraged, neither was any form of debate. But before starting school, all this was “alien” to me – me and my gang played in our little world oblivious to all that was going around.

The start of school was therefore the beginning of the end of innocence for me. From being a little wild child (not in front of my parents naturally), I turned into a goody-two-shoes at school. Funny thing is, I’m not really sure what happened or why. My memory of pre-school days are pretty good, my memory of my early years at school are pretty hazy. Throughout primary school (up until age 12/13), I had the same small group of friends as pre-school. When it came to high school, we moved town and slowly over the years I lost contact with those friends. I do still wonder what’s happened and what they are doing now.

High school was a different ball game - I really didn’t enjoy my high school days that much. More because of things happening at the home front – as I grew up and understood more, you realise that life is a lot more complicated plus you “see” things which as a young child you’re oblivious to. I understood that Dad wasn’t this remote, strong, scary figure but a vulnerable, alcoholic who I still think suffered from depression. (My father is no longer alive so I’ll never know the full truth.) My mother tried her best to cover up for Dad although up until his death, she wouldn’t acknowledge he had a problem. My father wasn’t violent, but he became increasingly possessive in that he didn’t like it when my friends or my mother’s family visited and he became unpredictable in terms of when I was allowed out at night with friends. The other thing that happened was although I never rebelled or argued with my parents or friends, I increasingly became aware that my views weren’t in line with the “accepted norm” at that time. This has made it difficult for me to keep in contact with my old high school friends since moving to the UK. Corrina is about the only one I do keep in contact with, and it is strange that no matter how long we lose contact for, whenever we meet up again or get in contact, it’s like there has been no gap.

Before anyone asks, I've dealt with past issues and all that has happened - the above is only the tip. It has contributed to who I am today – chips and all - but I have come to terms with the whys and wherefores, and forgiven where necessary. So there are no grudges or feelings of hurt. I do look back fondly and there are times when I wish I could go back to the innocence...